ME IN HARRY POTTER!! (A Parody of Self Inserts)
by Eden Tankersley
Summary: This fic makes fun of the HORRIBLE self inserts that are all over this archive ... every third fic looks like this one. A scary look into the mind of a teen writing an SI. Please R&R!
1. Default Chapter

Author: Kei-chan Fushigu (kimiko)  
Email: kimiko_chan@adelphia.net  
samianime@hotmail.com  
angelicsorceress@hotmail.com  
Series: Harry Potter  
Rating: PG  
Disclaimer: Harry Potter does not belong to me! He and his friends (and his enemies) are the creation of the Great JK Rowling! I make no claim to them.  
  
This fic IS meant to be a parody of all those horrible SI fics. Seems that every third fic is a really really bad Self Insert written by a third grader who doesn't even know that "you" is spelled with three letters.  
  
There are some fics that are good SI fics. Unfortunately I have yet to find one. Perhaps Cassandra Claire's 'Rhysenn' in her Draco Sinister/Veritas fics counts (and it sure is an awesome job), but Cassandra Claire wrote her friend in, not herself.   
  
Anyways, please don't take offense at this fic if you see yourself reflected in it. Just take a moment to rethink what you're writing.  
  
PLEASE review!  
  
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***** ME IN HARRY POTTER! (A Parody of Self-Inserts) *****  
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One day there was a girl.  
  
We shall skip the long, traditional descriptive paragraph because lets face it: this isn't the main part of the story, that part is yet to come. The important things about this nameless girl are as follows. She was fifeteen years old and she went to a public school. She passed all her classes, usually, and tried to fit in with the rest of the 'crowd' with varying levels of success. However, she wasn't the brightest crayon in the box, shall we say. She was also an avid Harry Potter fan.  
  
One day, while searching for pictures of her favorite hot actor (he wasn't really her favorite but if she didn't say he was her friends would think that was 'uncool'), she happened across something called 'fanfiction'.  
  
This fanfiction stuff was great. Some of it was bad, and some of it was long and boring, but mostly it was pretty darned cool. Especially the ones where someone put themselves in the story.  
  
You see, the girl had a secret desire. She was hopelessly, madly in love with Ron Weasley. Now, she found her chance ...her chance to have her beloved ...  
  
She was going to write a fic. (God help us all)  
  
  
  
"Now I need a title." She mused to herself as she sat at the computer and closed down her precious AOL Internet (What, you mean there are other kinds?) "Uhh ... can't think of one." She typed in 'untitled, pls read and suggest some good ones!!' and grinned. "There, now people will suggest some to me."  
  
Happy with her brilliance, she moved on to the subject. "Hmm, this is hard." After a lot of extremely hard thinking that actually set off the smoke alarm for a few terrifying moments, she shrugged. "Whatevah." She typed in, 'a fifeteen year old girl comes to hogwarts! what will everyone do? pls read, my 1st fic!!!'  
  
She smile even wider. What a subject! It was great! "All I need now is a name." This part was easy. "Names with 'star' and 'girl' look cute, especially if I spell them different, and the more symbols the better it looks! So creative! Or I could make myself 'Ron's Lover' ... or BOTH! I'm a genius! And my name will be so wonderful and unique and pretty!"  
  
Now ... "Time to write my masterpiece."  
  
  
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untitled  
  
by ~*~*~*~@~*~*~ StarrGrrl *~*~*~*~*@~*~*~  
  
also known as #%)^* rOn'S lUvErGrRl #%)%^  
  
a fic about ........ ME!!!!!!11  
  
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1 day there was a grl and she was beutiful and kind and sw33t and lovly and al those really gr8 things that every1 wants 2 B. her name was heather and she was 15 yrs old @ America high Schol. Knot 4 long thogh!! 1 day she got a lettre in the mail. her momma sayd "heather get off da phone u got a lettre!" but since she was tlaking to her real hot boyfrend she was like, "hold it mom!" then after a few hrs she went downstairs and opened up the lettre and GUESS WHAT?!?! it was a lettre inviting her 2 HOGWARTZ!  
  
[ Editors Note: I cannot stand writing like this ... I'll translate the rest of it from Retardese into Normal Person Language for y'all. The following is translated! It used to be Idiotish, also known as AIMspeak, but is now English.]  
  
One day there lived a girl. she was beautiful and kind and sweet and lovely: really, she was the kind of girl that everyone just wanted to be. Her name was Heather and she was 15 years old, attending America High School. Not for long though! One day she got a letter in the mail, but she didn't open it for a while because she was too busy talking to her REALLY hot boyfriend.  
  
She finally opened it. "MOM!" she shouted happily, "I've been invited to go to a private school!"  
  
Of course, she was kinda worried. Private schools were where the ugly nerds and stuck up rich kids went, right? Then she looked closer. "Witchcraft and Wizardry? Cool! I can make guys fall in love with me and stuff! Count me in, dude!"  
  
Then again, Heather had a deep and dark secret ... one that would soon come out to haunt her and her friends ... but she would prevail!  
  
  
  
She was kinda nervous about getting on the train. There were lots of weird kids there. She had figured out the barrier pretty quickly (after all, she was smarter than your usual kid) but now she was just confused by the people.  
  
Her confusion stopped as this REALLY HOT guy came up to her. "Hi" he said with a deep voice, "Wanna sit with my friends and me?" And he pointed over at a boy and a girl who looked really nice.   
  
"OK," she said uncertainly. "My name's Heather."  
  
He grinned. "An American? Wicked. I'm Ron Weasley, welcome to Hogwarts."  
  
When they were all settled down on the train, they started talking. She really liked this boy and her friends, but especially Ron himself. He was ncie and charming and even hotter than her current boyfriend -- or ex, she reminded herself. Time to send him a letter breaking up. She wanted to be free for this really hot guy.  
  
Later on the train ride, a boy with icky blond hair came over to the compartment and looked uglyly inside.  
  
"Ooo, another Mudblood girl, huh, Weasley?" He snarled, and she got really angry even though she didn't know what the words meant. Suddenly the blond boy was slammed against the wall unconcious! A teacher came over and she explained what happened.  
  
"This was the last straw." The teacher said, angrily. "I'm expelling Draco Malfoy from school!"  
  
Everyone around her cheered and Heather felt really happy. Later her new friends wanted to know how she did it, but she told them she didn't really know. She figured it had something to do with the dreams she always had, like memories or something.   
A boy with black hair and red eyes, and he always tried to kill her but she saved his life and got magical powers. But it was only a dream.  
  
  
Heather ended up really liking the school. She got sorted into Griffindor (The hat said, "You havea briliant mind and lots of faithfulness, but you're even more brave, so I'll put you in GRYFFINDOR!") and she always got excellent grades. Hermione told her she was a natural, and even Herm had to work to catch up to Heather. All her teachers liked her except Professor Snape, but she made fun of him in class and made people laugh. Everyone admired her. They said she was a lot like Harry, and they loved her and Harry both.  
  
She was also a crack chaser and won Gryffindor many many games. People said she was a natural on the broom. Harry didn't even have to teach her how to fly, in fact she helped HIM a lot with his moves.  
  
She got a lot of offers for dates but she was waiting for one red-haired guy to ask her out. She flirted and flirted, but he hadn't asked her yet. In fact he was kinda dating Hermione! But she knew that couldn't last, because she was very smart and saw that Harry loved Hermione. Heather was best friends with him and Harry and Hermione. They became the four inseperatable friends and with Heather's brilliance and witty words and talent for mischief they were the terror of the school, and the favorite jokers.  
  
One day Ron whispered, "Let's go for a walk outside," and her heart hammered. Was he gonna ask her?  
  
They walked around in the dark and it was really romantic. They talked about nothing, really ... and then he reached for her hand! She was so happy!  
  
"Heather, you know, I really don't love Hermione. The one I love is --" He began ... but he was interupted!!!11  
  
Suddenly a man with red eyes and pale skin appeared and hissed, "I have come to kill you at last, Sara Potter."  
  
Sara Potter? What was he talking about? She saw Ron's face was white and he gasped, "Lord Voldemort!"   
  
The man looked at him and was pissed off. "Get out of my sight you wretched Muggle." Then he said "Adava Kedavra" and Ron fell down, dead.  
  
Dead! No, Ron couldn't be dead! He had to ask her out first! She was stunned with grief. "Look Mister" She was so brave that she wasn't even afraid. "I dunno who you are but you can't just kill my friends!" She was soooo angry! She put her hands forward ... and he fell down!  
  
Heather couldn't figure out why for a second but then she remembered. Her dreams! Then she saw Professor Dumblefores's face in front of her and he said, "Heather, you are really related to Harry Potter. You are his cousin. Also, you have power over Lord Voldemort because he tried to kill you when you were very small but you used your power to heal him of his wounds instead and you still hold that power over him. Now you can kill him!"  
  
She knew what she had to do. She put her hands forward and felt great power running through her. "Die, Voldemort! you killed my family then too if I'm related to Harry and you killed Ron!"  
  
Voldemort screamed ... and was dead!  
  
But she was still sad for Ron. In fact, she started to cry, for him and for Harry's parents who she now knew were her relatives ... and the msot amazing thing happened! Since she had so much power, she brought him back to life! And Harry's parents too! How cool!!!  
  
He opened his eyes and said right away, "Heather will you marry me?" Then he blushed.  
  
She grinned. "Not yet, I think we need to date first!"  
  
  
Later she was the most famous person ever. She got adopted by Harry's parents and she was more famous then Harry. She and Ron dated, married, and had many little children and she told them all every night about her wild and wonderful adventures.   
  
THE END!  
  
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Like it? Review!   
  
And yes, every single thing you read is meant to make fun of the silly thoughtless SI fics ... occasionally, very very rarely, there is a good one but most suck. I also don't usually write this badly. I meant to write my sentences and stuff like that, and there are probably a lot of errors that I will not go back and check because I'm sure they add to the character of the story. Hehe :) 


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